Lee & Jacki: The Engagement Exclusive

Lee & Jacki

Est. 2013

Everyone loves a good engagement story.  

I've heard quite a few over the years, and they are always exciting to hear for the first time. As a wedding photographer, I've received numerous calls from jubilant fiancées, still fresh out of shock, bubbling over about the ring that just landed on their finger. And you aren't fooling anyone if you tell me you've never watched a few YouTube triumphs (or disasters) involving proposals and the massive effort that goes into making them not only memorable and unsuspected, but one-of-a-kind. Some of the proposals out there on the Interweb are downright jaw-dropping. Suitors, desperate to be grooms, go to all kinds of extremes in order to pop the question. Much like the mating habits of peacocks, men seem to think that only the most extravagantly plumaged proposal can win. Therefore, everything from law enforcement officers to giant elephants to entire stadiums of human beings have been enlisted in the name of love to secure that precious 'yes'. Some women want a Broadway show to unfold before their eyes; others threaten their man’s life if they ever try to pull a public spectacle. So when it came time to propose to Jacki, I knew it would have to be just right. 

So buckle up. This is the story of how it all went down...

Phase One: The Father

In Jacki’s case, I knew she would not want much fanfare to accompany the question. No skydivers jumping in from the stratosphere, no marching bands announcing my intentions, and please, she begged me, nothing involving finding the ring at the bottom of her favorite food or beverage. My goofball classmates in my doctorate program wanted me to ride across an open field in a suit of armor on a horse. Too....extreme.  My colleagues at the hospital went a step further and suggested drizzling her name in kerosene and emblazoning it in fire across a hillside.  Too...dangerous. I knew none of these scenarios would fit Jacki, not to mention my inability to ride a horse, let alone breathe in a suit of armor. Actually, it made me feel even better about asking her, knowing she wanted a simple and sentimental proposal. That’s the kind of girl I wanted to marry anyhow.

In the end, the most difficult part of our proposal would be pulling it off as a surprise. Jacki had already been on the lookout for months now, channeling her inner Gollum, watching for any subtle signs that The Precious was in my possession. But I was expecting that, and so appropriate precautions were taken. The first step was meeting with her father, Bob. We made arrangements to meet at a diner outside of town that most people don’t even know exists. In fact, it was the same clandestine meeting place where my brother-in-law, Ken, met my father to ask for my sister's hand. 

Site of the secret meeting.

By this time, of course, Bob knew the question was a long time coming. Plus, I’ve never asked him to breakfast before. So there was no shocked expression when my nervous words finally tumbled out halfway through breakfast. He was ready for it.

“Yes, of course you can ask her.” 

Phew. With that big question out of the way, we moved on to discuss timing and the plan and the ring, and most importantly, an oath of complete secrecy. Bob agreed that the plan should remain absolutely classified at all costs. Phase One was complete.

Phase Two: The Ring

Now it came time to shop for a ring. 

For those of you who have never done so, I’ll give you the best, most straightforward advice: start saving your money now. For all men who have taken the plunge before, you know the drill. You know that stupid feeling you get inside when a jeweler starts talking to you about “the Four C’s”. You know the lies you tell you start agreeing that “oh yeah, this one does sparkle a lot more than that one”. You know the sweat that starts accumulating on your forehead when the calculator finally comes out. It’s all a giant charade, the diamond business. But tradition demands a diamond, so just surrender your wallet at the door. 

After a staggering amount of research, I found that there’s no honest way around the expense of a quality ring, and that protecting its existence was the most solid investment. Once you've settled that fact in your mind, you can turn ring shopping into a mental game against the jeweler. You can at least make them squirm for a change, and with your newly acquired Internet education, turn the tables a little bit. Feigning disdain for the rocks presented to me by various salesmen became sport to me…

“Yes, Steve, I understand what you’re saying about the clarity of the solitaire, but to be honest, I’m just not satisfied with the color grading. And I’m less than thrilled with the carat weight. Is there any coffee? We’re gonna be here for a while.”

In the end, a very helpful diamond specialist named John helped me land on a very shiny stone, and we picked a beautiful setting that came together to make this…

The finished product.

Like Jacki, the ring was classic and gorgeous. I was extremely pleased with the ring, and now that it was burning a hole in my pocket, I couldn't wait to get to Phase Three.

Phase Three: The Proposal

The final part of the process was the most difficult one to plan. When and where to propose: these are two most difficult elements for any suitor. I had plenty of ideas that would work, but I was looking for one that wrapped up all the ingredients of our relationship into one special moment. As all of you know by now, I settled on Ligonier for the location. Honestly, as soon as the thought occurred to me, I knew that was the plan. People kept asking me if there was a Plan B. Quite simply, no. There was no Plan B. Only Plan A: It was Ligonier, or Bust.

One of America's greatest small towns.

So why Ligonier?

Well, first off, if you haven’t been up to this little town in the Laurel Highlands, you’re missing something great. There are few places in this part of the country that have remained exactly the same, decade after decade. Ligonier is one of those treasures. This harbored vestige of Americana holds even greater sentimental value to me, being the hometown of my grandparents, Robert and Claire Knox. While they were alive, Ligonier was the destination of many family trips, particularly around the holidays.

Ligonier holds nothing but good memories for me, and every time I go back, everything is just as I left it. President Eisenhower visited the town during its bicentennial celebration, and my mother has a photo of her and her sister all dressed up to wave at him in the parade. The section of Lincoln Highway that he rode along is exactly the same today as it was then. There’s such a sense of national history there, much of it thanks to Fort Ligonier and the battle that happened there. But more than that, it’s the family history of the town that makes it feel like home. My mother’s high school is still up on the hill above town. The homes and businesses are still up and running. And my grandparent’s old apartment building hasn't changed one bit.

The old homestead.

I drove up to Ligonier a couple weeks before the proposal, just to make sure that no developer had come in and dug up Gee-Gee and Pa-Pa's field that we used to play in as kids. Of course, the field didn't actually belong to them. They were just tenants of the property. But when you’re a kid and your grandparents have a huge backyard, you certainly believe it’s their field. So technically, I would be trespassing on private property in order to propose to Jacki, but I was willing to take the risk. I know Ligonier well enough by now. There are very few people there crabby enough to care.

Sure enough, I arrived at the field that evening to find it every bit as big and flat as I had remembered it. 

Me on my scouting expedition last month.

There’s a nice feeling you get when everything that you remember about a place as a child is still exactly the same. It's a special thing to have a place in the world where the wind does little more than bring back a powerful rush of the very best memories.

Here’s just a few portholes into the past for you, to give you some reference for my nostalgia…

This is the view from my grandparent's backyard in 1986. 

Not much has changed since then.

Here is my very pregnant mother in 1987. 

I guess this was my very first trip to the field, albeit in utero.

And here is the whole Knox clan up at Gee-Gee's,

 a daughter on each side with their young families. 

So I left the field that night absolutely convinced that there would be no better place in the world to propose to the love of my life. This was definitely the spot. 

A couple weeks later, my Mazda climbed the hill to Gee-Gee and Pa-Pa’s house once again, this time with a beautiful young woman riding shotgun, blissfully unaware that today was her last day of courtship. She was already in love with the town, this being her first trip to Fort Ligonier Days. I had told her earlier in the day that I had an idea for my annual Christmas card photograph, and such was the reason for our trek across town to the old apartment. Since I’m always spouting off some new idea for a great photograph, Jacki never once suspected that there was a ring in my camera bag.

We walked out into the field with my equipment, and Jacki shivered in the wind as I set up the tripod. “Okay I need you to walk out about 20 yards so I can frame this shot.” She trotted off, happy to assist, and then looked back at me. 

This was it. No turning back now. So I took a deep breath, pressed the ‘Record’ button on the camera, and walked out. In a matter of seconds, all of the planning, all of the praying, all of the patience…..all of it finally paid off when she finally looked down, saw the ring…

 

...and said yes.

Actually, to be historically accurate,  it was more like “YES!! YES!!! OHMYGOSH YES!!”

We hugged and kissed and did all that mushy stuff that newly engaged lovebirds do. The ring slid on just perfectly. It was a beautiful moment. I was proud of it. That place was now even more special than it was before. A memorial of my past was now a celebrated part of our future.  

As we walked back to the car, just when I thought things could not have gone any better, one of those magical unplanned moments happened. An elderly couple was walking slowly down the sidewalk, giving us some curious looks. I walked over to explain why we were on the property and introduce ourselves. Tom and Sharon seemed like lovely people, and when I told them we had just gotten engaged, they just about fell over.

Our new friend Tom loved the ring, too.

Proposed in their backyard?! But why?? This kind of thing had obviously never happened here before! 

So we told them the whole story, at which point Tom insisted that Jacki and I come inside and see how well he had taken care of my grandparent's old home. I was afraid to go inside at first, not wanting anything to be different. But I couldn’t resist showing Jacki where we spent so many Christmases growing up. And wouldn't you know, just like the field outside, not a thing about the apartment had changed. 

This is how I remembered Gee-Gee and Pa-Pa's place....

Here I am inspecting the contents of Gee-Gee's cupboards.

And here we all are a few years later with Gee-Gee, 

probably making the traditional birthday cake for Jesus. 

 Here it is today.

Same cupboards. Same smells. Same memories.

We chatted with Tom and Sharon for a few minutes, though the conversation mostly consisted of me spitting out as many memories as I could think of. As we left the apartment out the back door, I thought of how happy my grandparents would have been on this day, and I could not have been happier with my decision to propose here. 

I would have wanted Gee-Gee to watch it all happen from her kitchen window. 

Gee-Gee and me. 

So there you have it. 

Our full engagement story, start to finish, with all the details that women clamor for and men never recall. In fact, that’s really the reason I wanted to write all of these details down, not only to share it with all of you, but also to help me remember all the effort and love that went into my proposal to my wife, Jacki. If you haven’t met her yet, you will soon. And when you do, you’ll see right away why she was worth every minute and every penny and every tear and every embrace and every letter and and every laugh and every decision that went into getting that precious ring on her finger. I wanted to write this down so that the winds of life would never blow hard enough to erase any part of the long-awaited finale of our courtship.

And so Gee-Gee and Pa-Pa’s field holds another treasured moment, preserved by photographs, and held in our hearts forever.

Just like they are. 

We can't wait to celebrate with you all on April 26th. Just six short months from today.

See you there.